By now, every breathing soul that has ever visited the internet has seen the Chuck Norris Facts. “His tears cure cancer…too bad he never cries,” “Chuck Norris’ beard will roundhouse kick your face,” etc… Naturally, we here at Boolawler.com know some things about one, Jerry Lawler. We are proud to present you with part one of an ongoing serious: Jerry Lawler Facts!
Jerry Lawler’s personal Food Pyramid consists of Edy’s low fat ice cream and sperm.
Jerry Lawler does not sleep…he lies awake in shame.
Jerry Lawler lost a fight to Steven Hawkins. Lawler was given the first punch.
Jerry Lawler tried to have sex with Courtney Love on the set of “Man on the Moon” but got shot down. Even Courtney Love has standards.
Jerry Lawler wears those shiny shirts on RAW in hopes of attracting small children.
Jerry Lawler sits down to pee.
Did you hear the good news? They finally found John Bennett Ramsey’s body…in Jerry Lawler’s basement.
Jerry Lawler once burned his lips putting his mouth on the tailpipe of a car. Practice makes perfect.
Stevie Wonder looked at Jerry Lawler a long time ago…and decided he never wanted to see again.
The Axe Effect Deodorant Spray does not work for Jerry Lawler.
The Diva who complained about Randy Orton shitting in their luggage wasn’t Amy Weber, it was actually Jerry Lawler.
Jerry Lawler loves the Clevland Browns and the Indians. Figures; losers love losers.
Jerry Lawler was given free wrestling training. Well, that certainly explains a lot.
The last time Jerry Lawler had a good match was 197never.
Jerry Lawler took on a second job the day of Over the Edge 1999. He was supposed to secure the harness.
The main reason the XFL failed was because Lawler did commentary on that, too.
After giving birth to Jerry Lawler and raising him for 18 years, Momma Lawler invented the abortion.
Jim Ross rarely showed signs of his Bell’s Palsy until Jerry Lawler took over as full time commentator. COINCIDENCE?!
Did you know a movie was made about Jerry Lawler’s life? It was called “The 40 Year Old Virgin.”
Stevie Wonder found Waldo before Jerry Lawler could.
Jerry Lawler has no matches on eHarmony.
Even when doing piss-poor commentary, Jerry Lawler still wears knee pads. When asked if he was wrestling that night, he replied, “Sure.”
As a teen, Jerry Lawler impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game.
Jerry Lawler once got an erection, and the city of San Fransico rejoyced.
Jerry Lawler owns a cabin on Brokeback Mountain.
I shook Jerry Lawler’s hand once; it was like holding five wet noodles.
Jerry Lawler’s mother was in labor for three more days following his birth: one for his ego, one for his intelligence, and one for his talent. The latter two were stillborns from lack of oxygen. Only Lawler’s ego survived.
Michael J Fox has better handwriting than Jerry Lawler.
When asked if it was okay to be referred to as “Jerry Stupid Lawler,” Lawler just sat there and stared at Santino; his mouth hanging open with drool pouring from his face.