All Star Musings, 6/13/11
We’re here LIVE! For an All Star Edition of Raw! A show so jam packed it’s three hours long! We swear it’s not just to combat the Stanley Cup! Or to promote our failed video game!
– Miz is out first, talking about Alex Reilly and Stone Cold. Stupid “What” chants drive me crazy. Miz is right, that was cool in 2001.
– Austin with the interruption. Time to bury Miz some more!
– I guess no one gave Austin, Rock, or anyone from the Attitude Era that we don’t swear on TV anymore. Blasphemy!
– Austin announces Miz and Reilly are going to go face to face on Piper’s Pit!!!
– Del Rio interrupts Austin! This can only be excellent.
– I wonder how much longer they’re going to spend all this money on Del Rio’s cars. I say they drop it when he gets the title.
– Austin announces Del Rio vs Kane, and it’s…UP NEXT.
Crunchwrap Supremes for only 99 cents?!?!?!
– I kind of miss Josh Matthews on commentary on Raw. He was a good buffer for the goody-two-shoes Lawler and asshole Cole.
– Del Rio with the arm bar in this forgettable match. He holds on until he gets DQ’d.
– Big Show HAULS ASS to the ring to beat down Del Rio/Ricardo.
– Kane pulls show off of Ricardo because “you’ll kill him.” Compassionate Kane sucks.
– Austin makes Del Rio/Show for Capitol Punishment, which apparently is Sunday.
– We come back to Raw with Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, and Wade Barrett on the outside, looking ring ready. Ezekial Jackson, Daniel Bryan in the ring while Sin Cara joins.
– This lighting during Sin Cara’s matches is killing me.
– The Nexus started a year ago last Monday. The Corre died on Friday. Both of these facts are sad.
– Man, they’re pushing Zeke pretty hard. I don’t know what they’re going to do with him after he wins the IC Title.
– Sin Cara beats Barrett via a springboard body press. Seriously.
– Hornswoggle wasting time shooting t-shirt into the crowd. Until R-TRUTH SAVES THE DAY!
– Classis Truth promo til Horny shoots him with the short gun. Truth hugs Horny instead of fighting him THEN KICKS HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE!!
– Austin announces Truth vs…JOHN MORRISON! Truth kicks Horny for good measure. The PPV is going to draw poorly, but Truth is worth the cost of the whole show.
– Sheamus vs Santino brings us back to the show.
– HUGE “We Want Ryder” chants.
– It never ceases to amaze me how over the Cobra is.
– Sheamus with the Texas Cloverleaf! My most favorite submission ever. I suspect it’ll be renamed just the Cloverleaf.
– I hate how Randy Orton smiles and shit now. Vipers don’t smile.
– Orton’s mic don’t work. I lol’d.
– Something looks different about the World Title. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it looks just tiny bit different.
– Christian on the Tron. He used to be so good as a heel, but he’s defiantly lost a step.
– Orton with the low blow: “It’s a shame Edge isn’t still here, he could carry you to the ring. After all, he carried you for 17 years.”
– Christian’s gotta go back to his old music, it was more heelish.
– I remember in 1998 Austin drank Budweiser. Now? Keystone Light. The economy has hit everyone.
– Booker T joins us for commentary as Christian takes on Rey Mysterio in a match we’ve seen 100 times.
– Official for Capitol Punishment is Punk/Mysterio. Can’t help but think Punk requested this feud as his going away present 😦
– Christian chokes Rey until he gets DQ’d. Two in one night? Methinks the ref screwed up, especially considering how they seemingly finish every spot in the match.
– Yeah, the definitely botched the match.
– Dolph dropping Vickie? NOOOOOOOO!
– As great as it is by him not having it, I think Truth does need some music, just for crowd reaction.
– Morrison fakes his entrance twice as I notice his head logo is a Lego head.
– Truth goes to look for no-show Morrison, and this segment is just awkward.
– Morrison laying in pain backstage, then Truth rams a trunk into Morrison. Guess he’s not ready to return yet.
– Truth has got to stop with the little Jimmy and Johnny stuff, the crowd loves it.
– More Superstar hype videos! Best investment they’ve made in years.
– Ziggler/Swagger vs Bourne/Kofi. Dolph is Swagger-Lite.
– Pretty standard match, with a picture perfect Shooting Star from Evan Bourne. The day that move isn’t flawless is the end of times.
– Piper’s Pit time! It’s not Warrior/Hogan, but Miz/A-Ri should be good.
– Despite being absolutely buried, Miz still whoops ass on the mic.
– Holy SHIT that’s a huge Alex Reilly chant.
– Pretty tame edition of the Pit.
– Lots of special ref matches lately. Ridiculous.
– Piper beats Miz. HOW MUCH CAN YOU BURY ONE MAN?!
– All Star Divas Match! Good, because I must use the restroom.
– Austin backstage drinking with Silent Rage. PUNK TIME!!!
– Oh man, they NEED to book Punk/Austin at Mania. I’m already salivating.
– Austin announces 3 hour viewer’s choice raw next week!
– Still hoping Foley is here…
– He’s not.
– The final Obama skit. And this one is actually good!
– I wonder if the dueling chants against Cena will ever stop.
– Good match from Punk/Cena, it was to be expected.
– Truth with the distraction in the crowd and Punk with the almost clean win!!
– This is how you build a star. Truth may not draw huge PPV numbers this weekend, but Godammit he’s becoming a huge star.
Should’ve done another Old School Raw.