1/12/12: He Returns (so do I)!
Hello, friends. Now that Monday Night Football is over, Raw has my undivided attention! Just in time for Wrestlemania season too. So, let’s get started!
– This has got to be one of the worst reasons to feud ever:
Kane: “You’re mad, just be mean, dude.”
Cena: “Nah, B. Hustle, loyalty, etc…”
Kane: “I’M GON’ MAKE YOU BE MEAN!”
Cena: “NO YOU’RE NOT!”
I like the new Kane, but he’s being a bit too deep and Cena is just being awful. Stop giving him a script and let him be him!
– This should be excellent: Daniel Bryan vs Cody Rhodes. A few weeks ago when they had Ziggler/Rhodes/Ryder/Bryan I said that if 3/4 of them weren’t World Champions by the end of 2012 wrestling is finished. Good to see my prophecy is coming true.
– I almost hope they do a short Goldust/Cody feud. Nothing that’ll stall Cody’s rise to the main event, but it’s not often you’re given the option of new vs old/brother vs brother in the same day. What’s the worst that could happen?
– Love Bryan’s flying knee off the apron.
– Very good to see both Bryan and Cody getting legit over in non-mark towns (NYC, Chicago). I was nervous for both but everyone seems to cheering and booing like they’re supposed to.
– Bryan with the roll up win. Hmm, not too sure how I feel about that. I want a definitive victory, but you can’t bury Cody either. I’m so conflicted!
– Psycho R-Truth is back. Excellent.
– Wade Barrett talking the talk until the sacrificial lamb Santino comes out. Whenever Santino comes out, they should just announce his opponent as the winner.
– For example, Wade Barrett was your winner.
– I love when Sheamus just rapes you with his forearm to chest annihilators.
– Miz/Sheamus never gets started, and that’s a shameful thing.
– Just found out that Sheamus yells “FELLLLAAAAAAAAAAAA” when he puts his arms out.
– Can somebody tell me how the water bottle became a legitimate weapon?
– Crowd still doesn’t know what to think about Truth. Lot of cheers, but still some uneasy chatter.
– That kid dropped the ball. He could’ve said “ass” or “boobies” but he dropped the ball.
– There is duct tape on the announce table, and Lawler appears to have an HTC Droid Incredible. Outdated ass phone.
– Dolph Ziggler is the greatest wrestler alive. #ShowOff
– I hate Zack Ryder. Dork.
– The WWE Championship in the middle of the show? Sigh..
– AND the Champion comes out first? C’monnnnnnn
– Cody/Bryan had potential to be match of the night, but this should blow it out of the water. With EASE.
– As awful as Cole can be by burying every single face on the roster, he does bring out some interesting background info on guys. IE Dolph’s amateur credentials and college educations.
– Punk with 6 quick legdrops in a row. I love spots like that.
– Very back and forth, I’m loving it so far.
– Johnny Ace is out to screw Punk! This is about to be amazing…
– DOLPH WINS! DOLPH WINS! DOLPH WINS!….by countout. That’s ok, because I’m sure that warrants a rematch! I hope ziggler keeps the belt; that was always an underutilized tactic.
– Oh Lord, Divas tag match. When’s Kharma coming back?
– I hope on the Network they have “Divas After Dark,” where they just drink and bang.
– Nice moonsault by Eve, though.
– Why he insists on wearing the most ridiculous clothes when he returns, I’ll never know.
– After 5 minutes I’m waiting for a “Please start talking!” chant. I hope he does this until they boo him.
– Um, yeah, ok. HOW FUCKING STUPID. HOW. FUCKING. DUMB. GODAMMIT. ALL THAT FOR NOTHING. FUCK.
– Way to waste some incredible videos.
– Here’s how I think it went down: Jericho in Nashville airport pic leaks, everyone finds out it’s him. Vince catches wind and goes, “well, we gave in to them with Ryder, Punk, Bryan, let’s fuck ’em over.”
– Oh, right, after the biggest WTF moment of the year, we still have a main event. Kane doesn’t come out during the intros, so it’s a 3-on-2 handicap match. Show and Henry get DQ’d, Cena pins Swagger.
– BUT Kane rips open the mat and comes from underneath and beats down Ryder, then tries to murder Cena again. Approve.
– But wait, THERE’S MORE! Kane goes after ryder and tries to drag him into the hole in the ring, “drag him to hell,” as it were. Cena saves him and the whole explodes into an awesome fiery display. Show over.