The SEC Sucks/Raw Report!
Who needs the BCS National Championship Game when you could watch Monday Night Raw instead!
– We open with Kane in the ring cutting a very Sean O’Haire circa 2003 promo. Not bad, but it seems like they’re trying to make Kane in that almost-corny movie monster, which I guess fits the mold.
– JOHN CENA HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.
– The random security backstage have no clue how to take a punch, I hope they’re not FCW prospects.
– There sure was a lot of boxes and trash where Cena ended this segment.
– Very upset no one took a big bump off the dock. Suppose you can’t risk Cena’s health like that.
– TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES~!
– I’m sorry, but I can do without Santino.
– Did somebody die on Raw, or is it just Jinder Mahal making his way to the ring?
– I don’t know why, but even though I feel like they’re the future of the company, I can’t see Barrett/Sheamus ever having a long feud.
– This is the most ethnic match in WWE history.
– Alert the media: Santino won a match!
– They definitely use some version of the WWE Network commercial music in the Red Tails trailer.
– YES! EDGE! HALL OF FAME! BUY MY TICKER NOW~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
– LEIK OMG ZACK RYDER IS GOING ON A DATE WITH EVE LATER! But beware, Kane lurks behind every door. I hope he scarifies Ryder tonight. You know, for the greater good.
– Kofi vs D.Bryan, this should be awesome.
– The mean streak Bryan is showing is working out very well for him. I was unsure about it, but he’s being such a swarmy dickhead, it’s awesome.
– 3 minutes? C’monnnnnnn. Clean win for Bryan after catching Kofi coming off the top with the LaBelle Lock.
– So here’s how this went:
9:45PM Mitch: Brodus disco ball ftw
9:46PM Me: He’s going to be a dancing machine. In the months of waiting, he took dance classes
– He’s like a new age, huge Flash Funk. I. fucking. love. this.
– Poor Curt Hawkins. First match on Raw in forever and he gets crushed. But who cares, because Brodus Clay is fucking amazing.
– How is Rosa Mendez allowed to wear those outfits? That’s not very PG. Fap.
– #Funkasarus is trending worldwide. Just sayin.
– I find myself vastly uninterested in CM Punk’s matches recently. It’s a shame, but I’m just not feeling it right now. Except of course when Ziggler is involved.
– Johnny Ace protects Punk from attack, but the crowd boos him. Wtf is wrong with you people, he’s upholding justice!
– Best sign I’ve ever seen: “Words on a Poster”
– With a little more personality, Swagger could be an integral part of the Next Generation. He needs to act like he did when he first debuted in ECW.
– Wow, one of the worst ref botches of all time. Though the way Cole is talking about it, it was probably meant to be.
– A second inductee? HORSEMEN?! WHAT?! Does Flair show up? Why just Flair/Arn/Tully/Barry?
– Ricardo Rodriquez is so mean, so callous with those insults. How dare he cross the line like that.
– Truth looks very snazzy, but so off in a suit.
– Ricardo with some excellent singing.
– One does not simply knock the microphone from R-Truth’s hands.
– I’ve never understood how easily these guys can wrestle in dress clothes. I hate wearing any sort of formal wear, but they usually go out and get all worked up in them.
– Oh God, it’s Jericho, it’s happening again!
– Hey, Chris, you’re in your 40s. Keep those leather pants in your closet.
– Can’t cry on command? That’s why you’re not in a lot of movies!
– Arrive. Stand in ring. Leave: The Chris Jericho Story.
– Why aren’t they showing these Rumble Highlights in order?
– Divas match? Fapfapfap.
– Eve is from Denver? More reason to hate her. Fuck you Tebow!
– Stalker Kane is awesome.
– And I thought the acting in the Jason movies was awful. Eve and Ryder are turrible.
– Is there no one that could help Ryder out to fix that flat?
– I really miss how Ziggler’s new music has no mention of being Perfection.
– I hope this is the year where Ziggler stays in the main event scene, instead of just a handful of appearances. He deserves it and he so much better than everyone else.
– I don’t know what I want more: Ziggler to beat Cena or for Kane to murder Ryder. TOO MANY OPTIONS.
– Kane with the chokeslam to Ryder off the dock, onto a crash pad I’d assume.
– Kane loves to smother Cena. Beat he’s into S&M too.
Not an awful Raw.