Let’s get ready to rummmmmmmble (on Sunday)!
Six days away from the 25th or the 25th Anniversary of the Royal Rumble! Probably the best overall show every year, and I’m excited as FUCK for this year’s. So lets….GO.
– CM Punk Indian style promo coming right up. Basic wrap of last week’s verbal ass whooping on Johhny Ace.
– Punk calls out the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim (soon to be permanent) Raw General Manager, but a DIFFERENT John comes out, as Cena is boo’d despite firmly being BFFs with Punk. They just won’t cheer that man.
– Cena’s epic man crush on Ryder is crazy.
– Bottom line: Ace does his best Teddy Long impression and makes a tag match RIGHT NOW.
– Missed half of the match, but damn yo, Swagger really needs to work on his personality and then he’ll be golden for the main event. His size and athleticism will only take him so far. I said it last week and I’ll say it again: he fits perfect with the Sheamus/Barrett type guys.
– #Showoff. I don’t need to say more.
– Ziggler pins Punk again! 4 times now!
– At least it won’t be at Mania: Punk vs Laurinatits TONIGHT.
– Aw man, Jericho has promised to talk again!
– Highlight Reel!
– They’re finally booing him! They get it! Yes!
– Who needs to explain yourself, get a t-shirt cannon!
– When it’s all said and done, I hope Jericho just complains that he had a sore throat.
– T-shirt cannon abandoned, but the Millennium countdown clock from his 1999 debuts starts. Which jumps into a quick career recap, including the weird promos.
– DAMMIT! HE SPOKE! And he says the Rumble will be the end of the world as we know it.
– They show a recap of when Hugh Jackman knocked out Ziggler in September. Did that feud REALLY go that long? It’s unbelievable they let a feud carry on for so long.
– Now, here we have Kane v Ryder in a Falls Count Anywhere match. I’m curious to know why Ryder is back to being a jobber type. Maybe his merch sales fizzled out?
– If Eve takes an AJ-style bump, I’ll be a happy man.
– I love Kane’s smother move. It’s so simple but so murderous.
– Remember back in the day when if a wrestler went into the crowd they had 8 security guards having to hold back everybody and their mother? Kane and Ryder go into the crowd, not one soul tries to get close. It’s crazy how much the product and fans have changed.
– Hell yeah chokeslam through the stage!
– This makes two weeks in a row that if Ryder had just not been so proud, he would’ve saved himself from serious injury and near death.
– It would be epic if when being carted off, Ryder somehow summoned the strength to lift his hand and just give…one…small…fist pump…bro *flatline*
– Hell yeah Eve, laying down the law to Cena; it really is Cena’s fault Ryder has been paralyzed. Cena has been Superman for the last 7 years, why couldn’t he just fuck up Kane.
– Aw man, Cena is PISSED.
– The best part of Jinder Mahal vs Sheamus? Barrett on commentary.
– I really feel they dropped the ball on Mahal. They took the easy way out and stuck him with the turban after a few months of not letting him develop properly. My argument is a lost cause, I know.
– Too many limes!
-Announcing Orton’s return really takes the shock out of who will win the Rumble.
– Not sure if I like Truth alluding the fact that people change the channel when Miz is on, considering how his title reign was awful, ratings wise.
– Here’s what I like: guys fighting for Rumble spots!
– The Funkasaurus got new tights, sparkle white!
– Oh, Heath Slater, Y U NO STAY HOME?!
– Call that man’s momma! I expect Brodus to do work in the Rumble.
– THEY JUST REFERENCE CHRIS BENOIT! NOT BY NAME BUT STILL OMG~!
– Poor Miz, the new #1 entrant in the Royal Rumble match.
– Wow, “Zack Ryder has a broken back.” Failed drug test? Punishment for dying his hair? We need answers!
– No lie, pretty pumped for Laurinatits/Punk.
– Otunga brings a fax for Ace; who the Hell still faxes?!
– Oh no, Johnny Ace’s job may be in jeopardy next week!
– Naturally the match doesn’t happen BUT ACE EATS A GTS ANYWAYS! Goddamn that was awesome. Laurinatits’ face was priceless as he was taking the move, completely stoic.
– #HEEL with the ZigZag to end it all. Not awful, but but go-home to the Rumble worthy.
Sign of the Night: Troll face.