Raw Report: 2 Weeks til Mania!

Philly! Raw! Live! Now!

– CM Drunk kicks off the show. He does not look happy.
– So you say Jericho isn’t here tonight, Punk? Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.
– Talking about devils and monsters inside of you that you’re going to release them upon Jericho? This promo is pretty damn good, just like it was 7 years ago in Ring of Honor.
– Jericho is SO gonna bang Punk’s sister!
– Punk drops 3 different profanities; one was definitely shit. Maybe pussy.

– Damn, Kane got the commercial entrance.
– Big Show v Kane in 2006 did Cruiserweight moves number 5. I can only hope they replicate that moment again.
– Wow, Big Show has had some terrible Mania moments.
– Holy SHIT Big Show got squashed. I get it, chokeslam off the top rope is DEVASTATING. But 2 minute match?
– Cody Rhodes: World Heavyweight Champion in 2012. Bank on it.

– David Otunga taking a page out of Wade Barrett’s book with wearing a coat over his shoulders.
– Jesus Christ Santino is over. It’s not funny how popular he is, it’s incredible.
– Santino’s drawn on abs are quite impressive.
– Just who is Big Johnny texting?! Idk…his BFF Jill, probably.
– Here’s how I see it going down: Team Johnny wins at Mania, but then Teddy Long challenges Ace to a match at Extreme Rules. Inferno match.

– Lord Tensai promo? They should’ve left him as A-Train.

– Rock is in front of the Rocky Balboa statue. I think I’ve seen this promo 100 times.
– If there is only one guy left for the Rock to beat, it’s probably not just Cena. It’s Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, the Undertaker…
– These cheap pops are killing me.

– Like throwing a lamb to a lion, our next match is Ryder vs D.Bryan.
– There is someone dressed as a TeleTubby in the crowd tonight. Just Sayin.
– YES! YES! YES!

– Good to see Cena isn’t hurt at all from his car accident.
– I remember a time not too long ago when mark Henry was an unstoppable monster. Times have changed.
– This is the first time in months I’ve seen Mark Henry whoop ass like this.
– For someone who is kinda hurt, Cena sure did milk that Attitude Adjustment.
– Rock in action! Poor Mark Henry. Rock must’ve forgotten all the good times they had in the Nation together.

– Oh Miz. You’re wrestling Sheamus, this will not end well for you.
– The skin color contrast between these two could not be more opposite.

– I haven’t seen an on stage interview in a decade. I miss them. Orton vs Kane is still lame as hell, though.

– Hell yeah! American Perfection apart of Team Johnny!
– I kind of really hate Aksana.
– This should be a tag team title match. Truth and Kofi are just fun.
– Everyone involved in this GM feud is so over. It’s crazy.
– Why are they playing Kofi’s music? He literally did nothing to deserve it!

– I am very much not looking forward to this main event promo.
– Holy shit, 24 Hell in a Cell matches since 1997?
– Today I Learned Undertaker has green eyes.
– Damn Taker, stirring shit up between DX.

Meh.