One Year Later: Edge :(

Last year I decided to attend Raw in Bridgeport on a whim. It was a week after Mania so I figured why not. Thank God I went. In the first half of the show they teased a “HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT” from Edge. “I wonder what that could be,” I pondered aloud. The show sucked. We saw the first promo for Kharma, one of the Bellas won the Divas title, Cena got boo’d, it was a usual post-Mania slump Raw. Then John Cena shook Edge’s hand backstage for no apparent reason.

Then it happened.

Shock is the only word that could possibly describe myself at that very moment. I was sitting in the crowd with my jaw on the floor and a tear in my eye. Edge is my favorite wrestler of all time. I thought it was a work at first, I kept thinking Del Rio was going to come out and put him in an armbar as everything would go back to normal. But it never happened. I was devastated.

But on the bright side, I’m glad he did retire. If he continued wrestling he’d probably be in a wheelchair at this point. There were some big time feuds that we all missed out on: Christian, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, the Miz, Wade Barrett, Triple H. It’s okay though, I think he’s given us enough memories in the 12 years he was on TV. I have experienced some of his biggest moments live in person, all of which I will tell you right now. In order.

– Winning the IC Title from Orton at Vengeance 2004 (his first huge win since coming back from injury).
– Defeating John Cena in Boston to keep the WWE Title at Summerslam 2006.
– Debut of the Rated R spinner belt.
– Getting thrown into the Long Island Sound later that night.
– Witnessing his first Wrestlemania loss at 23 😦
– Having Match of the Night vs Rey Mysterio at the 2008 Royal Rumble.
– Winning the World Heavyweight Championship from Cena at Backlash 2008.
– Returning from injury at the 2008 Survivor Series to win the WWE Title in a total surprise.
– I’ve attended every Mania since 23. And every year Edge has lost. So going into Atlanta for 26 I assumed Edge was going to lose. The entire match I was rooting my hardest but I had this awful feeling he was going to lose. Then he won, and I lost my shit. Like a little girl I was screaming in sheer joy. I saw Edge’s final Wrestlemania victory.
– I saw him retire.
– I saw him inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Thank you, Edge, I miss you.

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Blast From the Past Smackdown (but not really)!

Can't wait to see one of these stages! Wait, no? Sad face.

– Who’s ready for a two hour Legends House commercial?!
– An old school Mean Gene promo? SWEET.
– Nevermind; just a Sheamus monologue.
– Big Johnny laying down the law, a $500,000 fine for hitting the ref! Permanent probation!
– Johnny doing Smackdown Teddy Long style: TAG MATCH. D.Bryan & Del Rio vs Sheamus and Mean Gene. Dafuq?

– Cowboy Bob Orton giving Randy a pep talk. His arm is finally healed! Bet his Hep C hasn’t, though.
– I’m glad Mark Henry is getting another push. I get why he was jobbed out while he was hurt, but it was such a fall from grace. He’s been nothing but money for the last year.
– Was Kane really hiding behind a trash can?
– Kane delivered his “A little fun the entire family can enjoy” line very creepy. If he only displayed those acting chops in see no evil…

– Benny Camer ain’t no Barry Stevens.
– I LOVE that they’re giving jobbers promo time before getting killed by Ryback.
– Ryback: Like Pitbull with RVD tights.
– Holy SHIT what a clothesline.
– “FEED ME MORE” is an outstanding catchphrase.

– Heath Slater is on TV AGAIN?! That’s like twice this month!
– Don’t get me wrong, I really want Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel to be a real team. But Kidd/Slater with Jimmy Hart? That excites me.
– You know what makes Smackdown so great? Custom nameplates during entrances.
– I enjoy hearing Mick Foley back on commentary. A Mick Foley/Matt Striker would be outstanding.
– Jimmy Hart: annoying as hell/
– Foley with an Owen Hart quote!
– I like how one of the Usos is getting fat. Finally fulfilling their Samoan heritage.

– Piper’s Pit! D.Bryan! YES! YES! YES!
– So much for the YES chants being dead. DC crowd sucked ass last night.
– 2 out of 3 falls at Extreme Rules for the WORLD! HEAVYWEIGHT! CHAMPIONSHIP!
– Oh my God AJ is beyond adorable.
– Bryan holding his own against Piper on the mic. Nice.

– Khali/Natayla/Alicia Fox vs Drew McIntyre/The Bellas. Really? Natayla’s tits look great, though.

– I’m not sold on Damien Sandow yet. He’s like Sean O’Haire circa 2003 but not as interesting.

– Hacksaw vs Hunico? For real?

– Finally someone to save us! Cody Rhodes!
– A little Dusty on Cody promo action?
– Seems like every time Dusty is on TV, Cody always turns on him. Then they’re ok, then they’re bad again.
– I fail to see how the Dashing Cody Rhodes promo are embarrassing. That gimmick put him on the map!

– There is no reason for Howard Finkel to not have done ring announcing the entire night.
– YESYESYES & SISISI together at last. The crowd should be going crazy.
– Now Ricardo vs Mene Gene is a match I could get into.
– Oh great, all the Legends come to ruin this match. Del Rio high tails it and D.Bryan gets feed a Brogue Kick.

They had an excellent chance to showcase what Smackdown is all about: wrestling. Instead they waste our time with old guys and video packages. Cole did have a great line, “Look! It’s the walking dead!” Smackdown sucked, such a disappointment. The only good things were Ryback and Piper’s Pit. Other than that, no thanks. I could’ve been watching Hardcore Pawn!

Another Raw Review~!

I just wanted to shake Brock's hand 😦

– John Laurinaitis has some awesomely Patriotic music. People Power!
– Fuck. This crowd SUCKS compared to Miami. But who cares, because HERE COMES THE PAIN!
– The only problem with pimping Brock’s UFC stuff is he go his ass killed his final two fights.
– Oh God, Brock isn’t playing a murder, his promo is cocky. NO ME GUSTA.
– An entire roster pull apart brawl between Cena/Lesnar? If they really wanted to keep them apart, all you need is A-Train, Mark Henry, Ryback, and Brodus.
– Scumbag WWE: “No Blood!” Shows Cena with legit blood.
– I fully expect a Lion’s Den match at Extreme Rules.
– So Brock legit punches Cena in the mouth, and remember real quick that he’s not in MMA anymore.

– Johnny has his Wrestlemania suit hanging in his office! Class.
– Funky’s on a Roll!
– Brodus/Santino vs American Perfection. This match will have the best of all worlds.
– I love Swagger’s shiny singlet.
– I’ll say it again: Swagger is just a personality away from being huge.
– Brodus getting the hot tag is the perfect time to say “Funky’s on a roll!!!”
– Ziggler got pinned? Ziggler….pinned…in a tag match…with Swagger? I’ve lost all faith.

– Big Show interrupts a Cody Rhodes match with a black guy, showing a recap of embarassing him, the EXACT same thing he did last week. Inception? BWOOOOOOMP.

– My friend Mike correctly guessed that Yoshi Tatsu would be squashed by Tensai tonight.
– I wonder if Lord Tensai remembers that time Lesnar dropped A-Train on his head with an F5.
– Poor Yoshi, home boy did’t get in ANY offense. Even Alex Riley got in a punch or two.

– I was hoping the Blast From the Past Smackdown tomorrow would feature the OvalTron or the giant fist stages. Looks like it’s just going to be an episode of Nitro from 2000.

– So if CM Punk just walks to the ring without stopped, does that mean it’s not clobberin time?
– Has Punk ever had a WWE/World Title reign on Raw where he was the focus of the show?
– I need to know where Jericho gets his coats made.
– Which does Punk hate more: flat Pepsi or booze?
– For the first time ever I am not impressed with a CM Punk promo. Hmph.

– So I guess Punk has to literally kill Mark Henry right now, right?
– Jericho pouring a case of beer on Punk. Legit? I’ve never seen that type of beer before, could be non-alcoholic?

– Zack Ryder taps out like a bitch. I’m no longer a fan of that guy.
– Del Rio whipping his nose with Ryder’s armband? Awesome.

– So I really didn’t want to discuss the 3 Stooges, but then Will Sasso came out and did a great job impersonating Hulk Hogan. Michael Cole: “Hogan lost some weight.” Perfect.
– Will Sasso will take a chokeslam, he don’t give a fuck.

– Brock Lesnar needs start practicing his promos again. Dude is baaaaaaaaaaaad.
– This show has been too video package heavy.

– David Otunga is SO oiled.
– There are like 30 Wounder Warriors in the crowd tonight. “Oh you’re wounded? Here, have shitty seats in the upper deck.”
– This is the first time the crowd has truly become alive. Say what you will, but Cena ALWAYS gets a reaction.
– Wow, there were no Divas on Raw tonight. First time ever?
– Otunga doing his best Chris Masters pose. The Blacksterpiece?
– I can tell Lesnar is not taking this seriously, and I kind of like it.

Really bad Raw. Hopefully Smackdown will be better. Gnite!

BONERJAM II: the SECOND COMING review

Once again the traveling circus known as Interspecies Wrestling visited nearby Danbury, Connecticut, and I couldn’t be happier. It was going to be hard to top last year’s Burger King of the Ring (which I maintain is THE most fun I’ve had at any indy show ever). The atmosphere of holding a wrestling show in a club (of sorts) creates an entirely different monster than a gym/hall/etc. The standing room only aspect of ISW in Danbury only enhances the experience, as it allows us as fans to be that much closer to the action. Now I can’t remember every single spot of this show, but I’m going to do my best for a respectable review. Let’s get started!

Frankie Arion vs Pinkie Sanchez
– Frankie gets on the mic and let’s all of us know that Pinkie has just gotten out of rehab, but assures us he is going to relapse soon. Pinkie tells us he has a new high: the one and only Jesus Christ. Crowd chants “Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!” That’s a first for me.
– As expected these two went balls out. The action was fast paced and hard hitting. Frankie got the upper hand and retrieved as assload of cocaine that was stored in a pack of cigarettes. He blew it in Pinkie’s face, but it didn’t work out the way Frankie wanted. Pinkie LOST HIS GOD DAMN MIND and unleashed a coke-fueled fury. “I’M FUCKING GEEKED!” puts it best.
– The end came as Frankie was in the tree of woe and Pinkie was ready to pounce from the top rope, but Frankie blinded him with some awful smelling Axe body spray (seriously dude, Old Spice is where it’s at). Frankie a standing Double Pits to Chesty for the win. Pinkie then said if he was going to relapse, he would want it to be with all of us.
– Frankie also epically struck out with the chesty girl standing against the ring. She was not impressed with the GAnime Champion.

Team Tremendous vs Bastian Snow & Pasquale the Italian Chef
– Let me start off by saying I’m glad Dan Barry finally has a fucking shirt. My wardrobe is now forever “Remarkably Average” and I couldn’t be happier. Very excited to see he and Ken Scampi in ISW, as I’ve been watching them tear it up in CTWE for a while now. Also pumped to see Pasquale after his awesome debut in January.
– This marks the first time I’ve seen a cantaloupe used a weapon, as Bastian used it to smash Scampi’s balls. Pasquale needs to get his shit together too, as any respectable Italian would NEVER use French bread.
– Poor Scampi: Bastian’s shell just kept fucking him up. But it’s ok, because Dan Barry broke out his world famous HIPTOSS. Not once, not twice, but a record NINE hiptosses were dolled out. Scampi and the ref had no choice but to eat them too, Barry was on a role.
– I don’t remember how Team Tremendous won, but I know was I happy as shit because they did. Here’s hoping we get oodles more of those two together.

CTWE Showcase: First Class Vladimir Joseph vs Lukas Sharp
– I’ve seen these two wrestle quite a bit recently, but never in front of a crowd like this. It was a classic battle of David vs Goliath, because for those who don’t know Vlad is fucking massive and Lukas is tall and skinny.
– I enjoyed Vlad keeping himself PG; it’s a tough crowd and easy to get wrapped up in our profanities and such. I honestly did not expect him to tell us that he “has to doo doo.” Lukas was doing his usual awesome high flying spots (seriously, he’s really fucking good) and Vlad would just rock him. Lukas’ facial expressions are outstanding.
– Sharp was working the sleeper hold for a good portion of the match, and it finally worked in the end! However Vlad fell asleep and landed directly on top of Lukas, pinning him. Must say, I haven’t see that finish before. I’m glad I get to see these guys at CTWE every month.

Addy Starr vs Jodi D’Milo
– Just like when BKOTR was here last year, Addy Star is in another first for ISW: this time it’s a women’s match! I’ve seen both of these girls whoop the shit out of the guys so I was curious to see if they would “play nice” with each other. They didn’t. Those fucking forearms they were laying on each other landed with sickening thuds. Bitches be wildin, as they say.
– They literally just beat the shit out of each other. I like how both are so badass, but Jodi has sparkles on her kneepads and shoe laces, and Addy has thigh high tube socks on. It was adorable then scary because they kept fucking each other up. Addy got the win and Giant Tiger/Sexxy Eddie came out. GT called us all faggots and some girl a cunt, then offered a spot to Jodi in the League. She accepted and a three way kiss ensued, which ended up just being Eddie and Tiger making out.

Shitty vs Taka Suzuki vs Oni the Leopard King vs La Cucaracha
– Holy. Fucking. Shit. You want to see four guys brutally fuck each other up? You want to see crazy dives, the hardest chops on the East Coast, and a cockroach fight? Then boy do I have a match for you! This marks the 3rd time I’ve seen Taka wrestling live, and this man does not have an off switch. He goes full speed, full power all damn day. His yelling “FUCK YOU CUNT” didn’t hurt his standing in my eyes either.
– Best spot of the NIGHT happened as all four men sat down in a square. One by one they would chop each other as hard as possible. Shitty’s chest had welts on it by the time they finished. This match literally had it all: high spots, hard spots, comedy, and establishing a new threat in ISW (more on that later). Shitty won with a huuuuuuuuuuge piledriver.

Glaad Badd came out and announced to all of us that he is in fact straight. Ricky Badcliff comes out to let us now that the other Badd Brothers have been arrested and will no longer be apart of ISW 😦 Badcliff tells Glaad not to fret, however, as he has a new partner for him. Someone who will allow Glaad to be his big gay self. We are formally introduced to the Craigslist Homo! A new, gay tag team as arrived in ISW, and no one is safe from their slippery double teams. Pun intended.

Sexxxy Eddie vs Izzy Deadyet
– I’ll be honest, Izzy genuinely scares me. Another match with several firsts in it. The first being a legit drinking contest on the bar between these two. 3 beers, and Izzy won that shit HANDS DOWN. Makes sense: though Eddie is a Triple X Sex Express, Izzy is dead, and ergo cannot get drunk. Both of them letting out epic burps in my face was kinda cool, too.
– Izzy’s people’s elbow style move is outstanding. That zombie knows how to wrestle. Maybe next time he can add in a move or two from Thriller?
– I’ve never heard a crowd chant “Eat His Dick!” before.
– Now the most fucking weird thing I’ve ever seen in pro wrestling: Eddie reaches down through Izzy’s shirt and starts fishing around. No big dead, right? Then Izzy starts screaming and struggling as Eddie is really looking for something good. After some intense pulling, Eddie RIPS OFF IZZY’S DICK. He ripped. Off. A zombie’s. Dick. He then slapped everyone at ringside with it and won. No words can describe it.

El Hijo del Bamboo vs Homicide
– This is first time I’ve ever heard a negative response for Bamboo. How can anyone boo that adorable panda? He’s one of nature’s most precious creatures!
– Homicide was over as fuck; I guess some people just prefer a murder over a cuddly animal. Homicide pulled a fork out of his kneepad and killed a small stuff panda we brought in support of Bamboo. I shutter to think what he was going to really do with that fork…
– I loved how Homicide couldn’t keep a straight face in the ring. Even thugs love pandas! Except when they dive onto you on the floor. I don’t know if anyone would enjoy a 500lb mammal crashing into them. Then shit got weird.
– Homicide was clearly not himself after that bump. He was just hanging around the ring, took some time to chat with the fans and fix his headband. The whole match he had been talking about ripping Bamboo’s head off, and he finally did it. FORTUNATELY for us Homicide knew that he wasn’t wrestling the REAL Bamboo and exposed the fake in the ring. Bamboo scurried off and Homicide won via countout. Then Homicide brought a fan into the ring (Jimmy from Waterbury what up!) for a little Q&A. Safe to say we all enjoy Shelly Martinez’s huge tits. Then Dan Barry tried to end the whole thing, but ended up eating a Gringo Killer for his troubles.

Bunkhouse Brawl for ISW Title Twiggy vs Giant Tiger
– I have been to several shows where Fans Bring the Weapons. Never though, have I seen such unique weapons as I did Saturday night. Blow up doll, inflatable penis, nerf guns, ukelele, 4 foot Barbie, cake, keyboards, a random merch table, and God knows what else. These two beat the ever-loving shit out of each other. Tiger legit knocked Twiggy out of his boots.
– I’m pissed because I can’t remember how this match ended. But I know they beat the shit out of each other and Twiggy retained the title. But then SHITTY came down and piledrove Twiggy then posed with the belt, setting up a match at GRAND THEFT OTTAWA I assume.

Overall fucking FANTASTIC show from top to bottom. ISW is such a different experience from any other indy show I’ve ever been too. Do yourself a favor and go to ISW every chance you get. Here are some clickables for your pleasure:

Facebook!
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Happy Bateaster!

BooLawler’s Wrestlemania Predictions!

I’m bored and have wanted to do a PPV prediction thing for a while now. It might just be a one-ff, or it’ll be a running thing. We’ll see. However I won’t check this until next Tuesday, because I’ll be in recovery mode from Miami. Since we are all like-minded, I figured we needed a tie breaker. So we will also be guessing match order for additional points. Picks are bolded.

Hollywood Mitch:
World Heavyweight Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs Sheamus
Intercontinental Championship: Cody Rhodes (c) vs the Big Show
Team Johnny (Otunga/Henry/Swagger/Ziggler/Miz/McIntyre) v Team Teddy (Santino/Kofi/Truth/Ryder/Khali/Booker)
Hell in a Cell (Special Ref: Shawn Michaels: The Undertaker vs Triple H
Kane vs Randy Orton
WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs Chris Jericho
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs Divas Champions Beth Phoenix and Eve
The Rock vs John Cena


Thunderbritches:

WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs Chris Jericho
Intercontinental Championship: Cody Rhodes (c) vs the Big Show
Team Johnny (Otunga/Henry/McIntyre/Swagger/Ziggler/Miz) v Team Teddy (Santino/Kofi/Truth/Ryder/Khali/Booker)
World Heavyweight Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs Sheamus
Hell in a Cell (Special Ref: Shawn Michaels: The Undertaker vs Triple H
Kane vs Randy Orton
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and Eve
Rock vs John Cena

Ringside Steve:
WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs Chris Jericho
Kane vs Randy Orton
Intercontinental Championship: Cody Rhodes (c) vs Big Show
Team Johnny (Otunga/Henry/McIntyre/Swagger/Ziggler/Miz) v Team Teddy (Santino/Kofi/Truth/Ryder/Khali/Booker)
World Heavyweight Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs Sheamus
Hell in a Cell (Special Ref: Shawn Michaels: The Undertaker vs Triple H
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and Eve
Rock vs John Cena

Last Stop Before Mania!

Thank for this, r/SquaredCircle

NO TIME FOR INTROS! SIX DAYS AWAY! I’M GETTING PUMPED LETSGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

– Is Teddy Long booking this show? Because right now we’ve got a TAG TEAM MATCH~!
– I wonder who Randy Orton pissed off to get Kane at Mania. With his star power you’d think he’d be higher up on the card.
– LOBSTER HEAD.
– YES! YES! YES! The crowd is already chanting along.
– I really wish Kane would wrestle in that wielder’s mask.
– I am completely shocked that Michael Cole has done a complete 180 on Daniel Bryan.
– Orton/Kane has to be the worst reason for feuding ever. Kane: “You made me feel like a man.” Orton: “Too bad fuck you!”
– You know what’s so great about D.Bryan? He’s 6 days away from the biggest match of his life and he’s still going 100 miles an hour.
– Kane’s top rope clothesline has never NOT been good.
– Best dropkick ever: Orton or Hardcore Holly?
– Shocked Sheamus/Kane haven’t feuded yet.
– D.Bryan gets the pin! YES! YES! YES! Sucks cause now he’s going to lose on Sunday 😦

– This Edge movie looks so awful. That being said, can’t wait to see it.

– Vickie Guerrero is the official flag bearer for Team Johnny!
– I’ve said it every week now, but GodDAMN David Otunga is ripped.
– I find myself walking like Santino does on occasion.
– Here’s what I’m thinking: Johnny wins at Mania, but Teddy challenges him to a match at Extreme Rules for total GM-ness. Preferably in an Inferno or Buried Alive match.
– Miz saves Johnny from the Cobra! He’s going to Wrestlemania!!!
– Team Johnny is STACKED top to bottom. 5 out of 6 are former World Champions. Team Teddy is just a bunch of mid-carders and (probably) Rey Mysterio.

– This video package for HHH/Taker is more interesting and well done than anything they’ve done thus far.
– Nice use of the WWE ’12 background music.
– They should’ve used the clip of Taker hanging Bossman in HIAC from Mania 15. That was crazy.

– Damn Beth Phoenix, your hair looks ridiculous.
– Poor Kelly doesn’t have her partner to back her up. And poor Eve, that Hoeski.
– Eve sure does have a pretty moonsault.
– Stupid Kelly Kelly, winning via non-face means.

– Oh God, Christian, your hair is worse then Swagger’s.
– This weeks CM Punk fact: His mother is a very nice lady, but a WHORE who had her son out of wedlock. Like a commone WHORE.
– Punk beats the shit out of Christian. Not a good way to get him over for Mania.
– Disappointing Jericho/Punk haven’t had a face to face in weeks.

– American Pie 7 looks God awful.

– Oh No! Christian might be “hurt!”

– Funkasauras rocking the Blake Griffin track suit!
– Ha, Curt Hawkins.
– Brodus’ thigh giggle is insane.

– Oh hey, we still have Tag Champions? Who knew?
– BIG SHOW HUNGRY, BIG SHOW EAT TAG CHAMPION!
– I’m glad they’ve finally referenced Mania being on April Fool’s Day. Seems like every other year it falls on April 1st but they never mention it.

– Good thing Khali isn’t on Team Johnny. The red shirt/pant combo would make him even more unbearable to watch.
– Drew McIntyre on Team Johnny!
– Team GM fight!
– I’m not mad about it, but I dislike putting Drew McIntyre on Team Johnny. He’s not nearly as over or important as Christian or Alberto Del Rio.
– Booker T is the sixth man for Team Teddy! Damn, was hoping for a Rey Mysterio surprise.

– Whoa whoa whoa. No Taker/HHH/HBK live tonight? AWESOME!
– Do I hear some anti-Rock noise from the crowd? It’s small, but I do.
– LOL MOAR ROCK DICK JOKES
– It took 6 minutes for Rock to spit out a catchphrase. New record.
– So much for WWE hoping for a 50/50 reaction for Cena at Mania.
– John Cena don’t give a fuck about Cena Sucks. Boss.
– That’s it, mark the date, I’m a John Cena fan for life now. He’s so right about everything.
– I appreciate all of the profanities these two have used lately.
– Despite this being a scripted promo, its pretty fucking good. They’re not stepping all over each other and Rock is actually hyping the match.
– DAMMIT WHY DID’T YOU FIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WE NEED THAT FOR THE HYPE VIDEO!
– Very abrupt ending, but what a promo. Outstanding.

6 DAYS! SEE YOU IN MIAMI!

Raw Report: 2 Weeks til Mania!

Philly! Raw! Live! Now!

– CM Drunk kicks off the show. He does not look happy.
– So you say Jericho isn’t here tonight, Punk? Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.
– Talking about devils and monsters inside of you that you’re going to release them upon Jericho? This promo is pretty damn good, just like it was 7 years ago in Ring of Honor.
– Jericho is SO gonna bang Punk’s sister!
– Punk drops 3 different profanities; one was definitely shit. Maybe pussy.

– Damn, Kane got the commercial entrance.
– Big Show v Kane in 2006 did Cruiserweight moves number 5. I can only hope they replicate that moment again.
– Wow, Big Show has had some terrible Mania moments.
– Holy SHIT Big Show got squashed. I get it, chokeslam off the top rope is DEVASTATING. But 2 minute match?
– Cody Rhodes: World Heavyweight Champion in 2012. Bank on it.

– David Otunga taking a page out of Wade Barrett’s book with wearing a coat over his shoulders.
– Jesus Christ Santino is over. It’s not funny how popular he is, it’s incredible.
– Santino’s drawn on abs are quite impressive.
– Just who is Big Johnny texting?! Idk…his BFF Jill, probably.
– Here’s how I see it going down: Team Johnny wins at Mania, but then Teddy Long challenges Ace to a match at Extreme Rules. Inferno match.

– Lord Tensai promo? They should’ve left him as A-Train.

– Rock is in front of the Rocky Balboa statue. I think I’ve seen this promo 100 times.
– If there is only one guy left for the Rock to beat, it’s probably not just Cena. It’s Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, the Undertaker…
– These cheap pops are killing me.

– Like throwing a lamb to a lion, our next match is Ryder vs D.Bryan.
– There is someone dressed as a TeleTubby in the crowd tonight. Just Sayin.
– YES! YES! YES!

– Good to see Cena isn’t hurt at all from his car accident.
– I remember a time not too long ago when mark Henry was an unstoppable monster. Times have changed.
– This is the first time in months I’ve seen Mark Henry whoop ass like this.
– For someone who is kinda hurt, Cena sure did milk that Attitude Adjustment.
– Rock in action! Poor Mark Henry. Rock must’ve forgotten all the good times they had in the Nation together.

– Oh Miz. You’re wrestling Sheamus, this will not end well for you.
– The skin color contrast between these two could not be more opposite.

– I haven’t seen an on stage interview in a decade. I miss them. Orton vs Kane is still lame as hell, though.

– Hell yeah! American Perfection apart of Team Johnny!
– I kind of really hate Aksana.
– This should be a tag team title match. Truth and Kofi are just fun.
– Everyone involved in this GM feud is so over. It’s crazy.
– Why are they playing Kofi’s music? He literally did nothing to deserve it!

– I am very much not looking forward to this main event promo.
– Holy shit, 24 Hell in a Cell matches since 1997?
– Today I Learned Undertaker has green eyes.
– Damn Taker, stirring shit up between DX.

Meh.

A Very Musical Raw

– Crowd seems hot as hell tonight. Basing that strictly off of the amount of signs in the crowd.
– If they wanted Cena to be cheered, Cleveland is probably not the best place to visit.
– It’s 2004 John Cena!
– CENA SAID SHIT OMFG.
– Wow, just…wow. I never thought I’d say this, but John Cena has been untouchable. Why couldn’t they book him for the last 6 years?
– There is no chance I’m going to enjoy the Rock Concert as much as I enjoyed Cena’s rap.

Ziggler v Sheamus
– HUUUUUUUUUUUGE ovation for Cleveland’s own Dolph Ziggler. Damn they popped.
– Popped harder for Sheamus.
– Can someone tell me the last time Sheamus has lost a match?
– As of 9:15, 6 of the top 10 trending topics are WWE related. The only one that makes no sense is Billy Gunn.
– Ziggler threw Sheamus so hard into the announce table his entire back was red. Don’t often see that.
– I’ve been tweeted that the last time Sheamus lost a singles match on TV was SummerSlam. I don’t doubt this at all.
– Ziggler sells the Brogue Kick like he was shot in the face.
– Just an update, Sheamus is 14-1-4 for 2012.

Santino/Aksana v Otunga/Mark Henry
– Santino is announced as the first member and captain of Team Teddy at ‘Mania.
– Big Johnny’s Captain is David Otunga. That did is oiled and ripped.
– I haven’t seen Mark Henry wear blue since Brock Lesnar beat his ass in 2002.
– Safe to say Kofi/Truth to Team Teddy. Would much prefer them in a Tag Title match.

– Poor Zack Ryder, friends with benefits with Eve? That’ll never work.
– James Roday is pretty funny, apparently.

Jinder v Brodus Clay
– WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT JINDER’S HAT, IT’S BRODUS~!
– Jinder Mahal is not amused by the Funkasauras.
– “Brodus, you’re too green and your ringwork isn’t good enough. 30 second squashes are enough to tell me this.” NOTHING HAS CHANGED. And I don’t care.

– CONFIRMED: Shawn Michaels has plugs.
– HBK: “We always had the utmost respect for each other.” Um, I recall in your book, Shawn, you mention Taker warning you about the Montreal Screwjob and something about “kicking your ass, you scrawny little punk.” I think.
– WTF do they keep saying this is the end of an era?
– I like how all three men involved in this angle are taking a heel approach.
– Wonder if there’s tape on the hood to prevent it from coming off.

Punk v Miz
– I remember when the WWE Champion was the focal point of the show. See what happens when Cena isn’t champ?
– If Miz wins, he’s on Team Johnny.
– Best part about this match? The post match promo by Jericho. Calling Punk out for his dad being a drunk. Some deep stuff, man.
– JBL tried to get Punk to drink one time too; didn’t work out so well for him.
– More like CM Drunk amirite?

Swagger v Orton
– Poor Jack, his entrance was during the commercial.
– Pink shirt guy is back!!!
– Has Swagger ever been given a real chance? His ECW stuff was seemingly his best work, personality wise.
– HUUUUUUGE superplex.

– Only is wrestling is the white guy rapping and the black guy playing acoustic guitar.
– Can’t tell if crowd is just deep voiced men, or there is some booing involved.
– LOL ROCK UR SO FUNNY
– Die Rocky Die sign, what is this, 1997?
– The difference is Cena doesn’t need to read any sort of notes or cheat sheets, whereas Rock can’t NOT read directly off something.
– Once again Rock spent 20 minutes in the ring talking about bullshit. Cena in the ring for 2 minutes and cuts down the Rock and promotes the Mania match.
– HE’S READING THE WORDS OFF A 150 FOOT SCREEN AND STILL FUCKING UP HIS LINES.
– Perfect sign in the background to end the show: Less Trending More Wrestling.

We interview World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan!

YES!

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